Loving lingerie
The following is a true account mostly of why I became a panty, fine lingerie, and lover of all things feminine, and a little bit of how too. Although the actual cause remains a mystery to me, I do have very vague recollections of being with two or three girls who were babysitting me, and being in their bedroom, or a bathroom, and being made to wear some different kinds of clothes from those which I was normally accustomed to. I do remember how excited I was and how wonderful it felt to be the obvious centre of their attention and how they and I both appreciated the sexual tension which filled the air, no doubt my young penis in their panties or more, being the source of all such interest.
I feel very 'special' being able to share intimate details of my past, particularly when it deals with sexuality of such intensity and its tendencies to be so arousing! I so love communicating with others who enjoy the frilly arts and femininity as it is practised by both sexes, and how the electronic network allows us to share these personal experiences on such a wide scale. I love reading and hearing from others who share similar interests, whatever the road was that led you here!
This is the story of my mother and our very special and treasured relationship, and who made such the wonderful sissy that I am today.
If you have recently visited the Satique Lingerie Forum you may know already how it was that my mother discovered my love of wearing her lingerie. As much as I thrilled to the forbidden pleasures when I first started wearing her lingerie, I also was afraid of being discovered! I would put on her panties and pose and prance in front of my mirror, thrilling to the smooth, silky fabric caressing my ass and private parts. I felt so wonderful, and imagined myself a young girl!
When she did catch me, it felt so good to have someone else know, and to be rid of some of the guilt of doing this thing alone, which was so different from society's norms. When mother found out, and did not chastise me for it, I became aware of a much deeper love and respect for her. As much as I knew that I was very different from the other boys that I hung around with at the time, wearing her panties felt so right to me, and so exciting too. Had I been physically able to, I most likely would have orgasmed when she 'exposed' me, but being only six years old and being found out for the first time, I didn't have that capability! Instead, she and I reached an understanding that under the circumstances, I should not be wearing her panties to school, in case of an accident or exposure, and the ridicule that would be heaped upon me. Sadly, I even stopped wearing her panties altogether, and no doubt missed out on many events that eventually did unfold to my definite advantage.
It was a couple of years later that mom, her friend, and I and my mom's friend Randy went on a wilderness vacation that confirmed these desires in my life for ever! Both of our mothers ended up making perfect little sissies of us! It was so wonderful to be wearing panties again and to be openly encouraged to show off our fine lingerie to the delight of all. I'm sure there was nobody more pleased than I!
Mother forgot to pack any boys’ underwear for me. At the time it didn't dawn on me why she had so many pairs of panties, though! My pleasure at stepping into the full briefs which mother held open for me, was no doubt evident, as was my pride at being discovered by Randy's mom when she spied the waistband of my mother's panties peeking over my trouser tops. In no time at all, Randy was sporting a pretty pair of his mother's panties too, and within a few hours we were playing on the beach together, wearing only our panties, or taking trips into the woods where we would squat to pee, and compare how smoothly our panties felt over the others' bum, but our first touches of one another.
In later years we spent many happy hours together exploring new sexuality and dressing together in his mother's and sisters' lingerie and that which I began to wear more and more of. But those experiences are a whole other story!
Mother taught me at the same time, how to hand launder our lingerie, including her bras, for which I developed a distinct fascination. I loved watching her put hers on in the morning, hooking it in back so easily, and then bending forward to settle her breasts into the cups! I wanted to wear one too, but she wouldn't let me at the time.
Upon our return to civilization, mother allowed me to keep some of her panties for occasions that I felt compelled to wear pretty things under my trousers or dress pants, but always she reminded me, not to school. Although my mother probably suspected that I might be visiting her room and continuing to experiment and wear her lingerie, no mention was ever made. That was until several years later, when I was perhaps twelve or thirteen. She found the tell-tale stains of my excitement and unfortunately, the torn lace underarm seams of a very pretty powder blue slip of hers. By that time I was having very frequent dressing sessions, almost always culminating in orgasm. I was then my mother's height or a little more, but broader in the shoulders and larger around the waist, those physical conditions made it somewhat difficult to remove her full slips gracefully.
After our discussion of my blossoming sexuality and my admission of forays into the night to steal lingerie from our neighbours clotheslines and even entering (discreetly) into a few houses which I knew were likely to have interesting lingerie from seeing the lady who lived there, we both decided that it was my compulsion to have more and more things and dress increasingly like a young woman, that was driving my actions and would lead to eventual trouble.
To solve my compulsive obsession that led to my 'having' to steal, we shopped through the catalogues that came regularly to discover the kinds of things that I wanted. As a result, over time she bought a larger and more wonderful assortment of women’s' clothing for me to have of my own. In addition to the full nylon briefs that I already was wearing, I received new bikinis (which were becoming increasingly popular at the time and to me were so sexy!), bras in each of the most popular colours; a black, white, and beige slip, and even a garter-belt, and open bottomed girdle with garter tabs, complete with black and nude stockings, and some very pretty nylon nighties. With my input and her own wonderful taste, she added things that I expressed my desire for or needed as her original purchases wore out or were outgrown. Because I was wearing panties and other lingerie almost all of the time, when we were at home and not expecting any visitors, I regularly wore additionally a cute sundress, jumper, or a skirt and blouse combination, or a sweater in winter. I loved being mother's daughter!
Mother knew that doing these kinds of things made me so whole, complete, and comfortable with myself, and she also knew that there was a sexual need to my dressing. She encouraged a full and open discussion about sexuality and what I did behind my closed doors or when she was not at home. It came to pass that I didn't mind telling her about how aroused I became when I thought about sex and being dressed as a girl, and how excited that even telling her about it made me! When she became interested in exploring that further, I began to feel more comfortable with wearing the increasingly provocative outfits that I asked for and she provided, and I began to demonstrate how wearing such pretty things really made me feel!
It ended up that she often would watch, and then openly participate. She learned how to make me erect just with her encouraging words, and I began to enjoy her aural seductions of me.
Many of my favourite times were when we went on vacation and she would take me shopping with her into the lingerie sections of stores or into more exclusive boutiques, dressed as a teenage girl. I had grown my hair so that I could pass as a teenage girl without any question. I was fortunate that I had a fair complexion and nothing but light fuzz on my face, which was easily removed with a good set of tweezers. Of course, I always got so aroused being among the ladies or other girls who were there, and afterwards enjoyed our return to our room, where mother would have me model my new things! More often than not, I would become so aroused that I would end up having an 'accident' in my new lingerie, and then I'd have to clean all of my new things up and let them dry in the bathroom! My release would always take the immediate edge off my desires, but only for a short while. I was constantly horny!
As I passed the age of eighteen, I wanted desperately to lose my virginity and experience intercourse. I could imagine how wonderful it would be to penetrate my mother's vagina! By that time she was letting me bring her off both with my touches and orally. At first I was allowed only to touch her panties and make her sex so very wet, but that led to her orgasms (and mine while I was doing it!), then me removing her panties and putting my fingers inside her and touching her clitoris, and finally my ultimate joy at the time, of putting my mouth on her sex and her teaching me how to make her cum!
Even now, it makes me so hard and wet and excited telling about these so very intimate details! I hope that people will not judge my incestuous relationships with my mother harshly, because to her, I am eternally grateful! How I wish that other boys, who needed to be girls, would have had as understanding and supportive a mentor.
My hormonal experimentation started when mother suggested when I was about fifteen, that I should take steps to become more like a real girl. This was just a few years after Christine Jorgansen and she had been reading about her sex change. I was excited when she told me that I could develop my own breasts! She got a prescription for birth control pills, which when first on the market, had much more estrogen than they now have. Within a few days, I felt wonderful stirrings in what would become my breasts, and I knew that I wanted to experience those powerful feminine changes much more fully. So with mother's support, I used them for about six months, and I dreamed of developing into a pretty girl with a real figure. I was very depressed when mother stopped providing them for me at the end of those glorious days, telling me that I should think about my future sexual identity and possible relationships a little bit more seriously. By that time I had developed enough to fill out a 32A bra, and it felt so wonderfully feminine to just see my little breasts! It so excited me to think of myself as a sissy boy with real feminine charms! They felt so nice to touch or be touched, a fact that remains true even now that I started using hormones again. I would imagine that my recent development to possessing 36C breasts now, was hastened by having developed some feminine characteristics years ago.
That's another story too, which I can pass it on to you, if you are interested in hearing more about it. Feel free to drop me an e-mail if you want to know more.
As you can imagine, my interactions with my peers were very backward and awkward, but over time I was able to establish a few strong relationships outside of the home. I was most fortunate in meeting a wonderful woman, who remains my wife to this day. Even though she does not totally accept the way I am, she knew about my femininity from the start and has lived with my changes since. And of course, she does take advantage of my soft, submissive nature and allows me the simple pleasures of helping her cook, clean, and do laundry, and the multitude of things that make up a woman's day!
I hope that panty, lingerie lovers, and sissies everywhere have enjoyed reading my story as much as I've loved most of my life, and continue to explore more feminine experiences, still loving what grows between my legs and remains so strangely excited by it all!
Hugs and more, Susie ....