PANTY STORY # 107
 
 

I have some observations with regard to Mandee, the psychologist, who wrote the interesting piece concerning the affront to his femininity caused by other cross-dressers when he was in woman mode. Perhaps Olga can comment, but I’m not sure that a real woman’s reaction to a cross-dresser would be characterized as an affront to her femininity. As with all aspects of human behavior, there are multiple factors involved. It’s never safe to simplify with a single reason for any reaction. The following are some other factors, which I believe should also be considered.

----------
Femininity Immersion

I have a couple of nieces, whom I’ve observed growing up. My wife and I have seen them constantly during their growing years, but aren’t so close as to be other than an outside observer. When the girls were young, their mother would dress them in frilly clothes, put their hair up in bows, and generally create a feminine atmosphere around them. They tolerated the time and effort necessary for these preparations partly because their mother insisted and partly because that was the routine for getting dressed for as long as they could remember. In action, however, they appeared to care less about the fuss. Their mother would have to constantly scold them not to climb on the fence in their dresses, not to let the dog jump up on them, stay out of the mud puddles, and so on.

When the girls were about twelve years old, this changed. Suddenly, they became fascinated by all things feminine. They became interested in make up, finger nail polish colors, and clothes of every description. Their mannerisms and speech patterns became an exaggeration of femininity. For the lack of a better description, I would say that they were immersing themselves in femininity. Their parents (and everyone else) observed this transformation with a knowing smile and a chuckle. Their mother would admonish them only when they became too ridiculous in their antics.

As expected, this phase diminished over time. When the “girls” reached their twenties, they no longer acted in such a manner. Note that many of the habits and mannerisms that they had developed were now a part of them. They no longer would climb on the fence in their dresses nor would they let the dog jump up and get their clothes dirty. That’s not to say that they didn’t go dirt biking or weed in the garden. In all these activities, though, it was obvious that they were now ladies. All that femininity immersion had soaked in. They were now feminine by nature, in contrast to their childhood when such was not the case.

Now, we all know someone who never grew out of the femininity immersion phase. They are the women who continue to participate in these exaggerated activities. I know that it bugs my wife to come in contact with one of these individuals. Her reaction is one of incomprehension (why is she acting like that), disdain (why doesn’t she grow up), and threat (is she trying to run off with my husband?). My wife would probably agree if you asked her if this was an affront to her femininity.

I haven’t had much of an opportunity to observe cross-dressers when in “woman mode”, however I wouldn’t be surprised if they exhibited the behavior of femininity immersion while dressed. If you haven’t had the chance, read Dr. Rebecca Allison’s article “The Real Life Test” http://www.primenet.com/~beckster/realintro.html. She was a MTF transsexual as opposed to a cross-dresser, so I’ll treat her comments as those of a woman’s. In this article, she describes being turned-off by the cross-dressers at a local Tri-Ess chapter meeting. Their exaggerated femininity bothered her immensely.

I know from my own experience that I have a desire to experiment with all things feminine. You could say that I am participating in femininity immersion in my limited way. I would postulate that many cross-dressers have similar feelings. These men are going through a natural (unnatural?) femininity immersion phase to be expected of anyone that’s developing a feminine side. Being en feme only part time has a tendency to extend this phase, causing the individual to retain these desires for most of their adult life. The individual’s actions, unfortunately, are an exaggeration of femininity due to the immersion process. This has a detrimental affect on acceptance by loved ones. The individual’s loving wife may know intellectually, perhaps, that cross-dressing is harmless. Emotionally, her reaction is otherwise. Her reaction is one of incomprehension (why is he acting like that), disdain (why doesn’t he act like a man), and threat (is he going to run off with another man?). When a cross-dresser confesses to his wife, he may at first obtain loving acceptance. He becomes his own worst enemy, though, by taking this as an “End Speed-Limit” sign.

With regard to Mandee, it is possible that she was experiencing femininity immersion. When encountering men, who wanted to wear lingerie, her reaction was perhaps: “Hey! This is my feminine experience. Not yours!” I don’t believe that this would be the reaction of a woman, who had grown out of this phase and feels comfortable and secure in her own femininity. In any case, I’m sure that there was more than one emotion or thought going through Mandee’s brain at the time. I doubt that he’s a simple individual. Perhaps if he reads this, he’ll add his own comment.

-----------
Homo-aversion

I’ll avoid the term homophobia, here, as it implies an irrational aversion to certain same-sex contact. What I am referring to, in this instance, is the common homo-aversion experienced by straight individuals. In my view, a test for the definition of a “straight man” is an individual that would not want to place his lips on any part of the body of another man. That same individual would place his lips on just about any body part of a suitably attractive woman. This individual may have male friends with whom he has gone fishing, slept in the same tent, and engaged in touch sports activities. There is, however, a definite boundary of touching beyond which that individual will not go.

In a similar manner, a test for the definition of a “straight woman” would exist. This is an individual that would not want to place her lips on any body part of another woman, but would do so on just about any part of a suitably attractive man. So what happens when this straight woman is confronted by her husband, who wants to exhibit female attributes? At the least it makes her uncomfortable. This would be no different if she came to him and said that she wanted to grow a beard.

From the many posts I’ve read in various forums, there appears a common theme. The man confides in his passion to his wife and gains a modicum of acceptance. When he attempts to use breast forms, however, the relationship comes all apart. Anthropologists tell us that the size of the human female breast has no procreational function. It acts solely as an indication of womanhood and femininity. Graduating to breast forms is a critical error. This causes his wife to feel as though she is with another woman, which triggers a natural homo-aversion in her.

With regard to Mandee, I wouldn’t but doubt that a similar reaction was engendered. She indicates that she had no sexual desire for men when in a male mode, but did have such a desire when in a woman “mind”. It is likely that she passes the test of “straight” for the particular mode that she was in. When she was with a man that wanted to wear the lingerie, she reacted with homo-aversion. She didn’t have aversion for the man being male, but aversion for the feminine aspects that the man was assuming.

The lesson for cross-dressers, here, is to take it slow. It may have taken us years to get to the point where we understand what we are and accept it as something that can’t be changed. We feel time passing us by and we don’t want to waste the time we have left. When another individual is involved, however, pushing the envelope can be hazardous to your relationship.

----------
Cultural Roles

In our society, there are implied roles for men and women. In spite of advances in gender equality, society’s perception of our roles as men and women persists. Part of this is physical. Given a set of maternal twins, we would expect them to grow similarly in stature until puberty. When the hormones begin to flow, the female twin experiences a burst in growth. She becomes obviously feminine and noticeably larger than her sibling does. He is experiencing changes as well, but not in an obvious manner. The male twin obtains his growth spurt at the end of puberty. He has been growing in the mean time, so his growth spurt comes on top of a larger base. The result is that he is much larger than she is when all is said and done.

On the average, then, human males are engineered to be larger than human females. When they find respective mates, we would expect the male to be larger than the female. The larger male is expected to provide for and protect the smaller female. She will have periods of vulnerability when pregnant and child rearing, so nature’s original plan makes some sort of sense.

In a modern society, the lines between these roles can be blurred. It’s no longer necessary for a female to need a male to survive. There is a certain seductive allure to the traditional roles, however, which many women are loath to give up. My mother, for example, enjoyed being enfolded in the protective embrace of the money and power of my stepfather. After he passed away, she lamented having to take responsibility for making decisions as much as missing his companionship. In this, I understand her completely.

I have a high stress job that requires instant irrevocable decisions. When I get home at night, the last thing I want to do is make more decisions. In spite of this, my wife prefers that I take responsibility. She’ll give me a rational well thought out argument as to why we should take a particular course of action, and then add “but you should decide”. I’m not a very confrontive person, and her recommendation is always thoughtful and intelligent. Regardless of the choice or the outcome, I feel a tremendous responsibility.

For me, the feminine side involves letting go of the world. Having someone enfold you in their arms and tell you that everything will work out alright. The masculine side is supposed to never stop fighting for success. This is a fight for which I grow very weary.

Don’t get me wrong, my wife has worked very hard for her part in our family success. She maintains her feminine role jealously nevertheless. She has no intention of “wearing the pants” in our family. To that extent, she has no desire to let me wear a dress. Were I a stronger individual, we would be an ideal couple. It’s odd that we love each other so much in spite of this “problem” that lies between us.

I doubt that cultural roles had anything to do with Mandee’s reactions. Her encounters were probably too casual for this to be a factor. I wonder if such is the case with other married cross-dressers. I believe that there is more to femininity than sex, or panties, or nail polish. Now, this concept is one for which I’d like to hear Olga’s opinion.

----------
Sorry for sounding like a pompous ass. You can tell that I used to be a technical writer. In spite of my writing style, I am not at all sure about verity of the statements that I’ve made. If you want to publish this (or parts of it), feel free to make any changes you wish. Anyway, I feel better for having shot off my mouth…